Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize