i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
