Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
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