I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i dont even know how to be here
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
