Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
