i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
i now understand why vodka
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
