She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
