She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
