Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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