He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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