yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Two words: nipple clamps
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