It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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