im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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