also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
