I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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