considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Randomize
