Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
