You really coming over, don't trick.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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