Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
