I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
