I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
