Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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