I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize