Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
