they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
