you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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