Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
