New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
