i already hear my dad disowning me
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
