you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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