The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
