Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
