If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
how does that bad decision feel?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
