so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
