Banned from zoo.
Again?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
