oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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