dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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