i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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