it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
