I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
