Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
