so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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