Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
