Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize