I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
