I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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