im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
