my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
