When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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