I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
