I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
