I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize