on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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