Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
