She's JV to your varsity
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Holy sore nipples Batman
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
