break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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