Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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