i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
