Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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