Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
