he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
