He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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