The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
