I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
