finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
