I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
