Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
