i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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