So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
