I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
