theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
so much tequila, so little girl.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
